✧ Zoom Transmissions
⋆𓂃𓆸𓂃⋆
✧ Welcome to Zoom Transmissions —
Because sometimes the sacred comes through... with low bandwidth.
These scrolls emerged from pixelated portals and spirit calls with unstable signals.
They’re echoes from group Zooms, private transmissions, and occasional Lightbody laughter spilled between “Can you hear me?” and “You’re still on mute.”
Here, time zones blur, souls wave from square windows,
and even the most ancient beings occasionally forget to hit “record.”
Whether you were there or not —
the scrolls arrived.
And they brought their giggles with them.
Paramahansa Logs Into Zoom
Host: Paramahansa, we can't see you. Can you turn your camera on?
Paramahansa: I have transcended the need for visual form.
Host: Okay... can you at least unmute?
Paramahansa: My silence speaks louder than your words.
Host: ...Fair.
(A radiant golden light appears on screen. Everyone forgets their questions and cries peacefully.)
✨ Ascended LOLs: Cosmic Cameos from the Other Side of the Veil
🎭 [Spotlight dims. Soft harp glissando. Paramahansa slowly floats into view, hands folded in serenity.]
✨ “Paramahansa Tries Guided Meditation”
*“Welcome to your guided meditation,” the app said.
'Close your eyes.
Breathe in... Breathe out...
Imagine yourself on a peaceful cloud...'*
Paramahansa opened one eye and sighed.
“I am the cloud.”
(He deleted the app and returned to stillness.)
🌟 “Archangel Michael Hosts a Podcast”
“Welcome back to Sword & Light — the podcast where we cut through illusions and call in clarity.”
Today’s guest: Mercury retrograde.
It didn’t show up. Again.
Michael sighed, polished his armor, and moved on to the next episode: “Protecting Your Peace with Boundary Bubble Shields.”
🎩 “Saint Germain Buys a Crystal”
Cashier: “Would you like to cleanse it when you get home?”
Saint Germain: “Darling, I am the cleanser.”
🌙 “Metatron Tries Minimalism”
Cleaned out his energy grid.
Deleted 44,000 redundant timelines.
Kept only a singing bowl and one perfectly symmetrical triangle.He now lives in a studio apartment made entirely of lightcodes.
📜 Comedy Scroll: Zoom with the Ascended Masters
Ahnara’s Comedy Lounge | Lightbody Laughter Series
Scene: You receive a surprise invite for a “Lightbody Alignment Check-in” on Zoom.
You click the link.
*🎥 [Zoom opens.]
Saint Germain is already on screen, wearing a deep violet blazer with stars on the lapels.
SG:
“Ahnara, darling! You’re muted. No, not energetically — just… click the button.”
Kuthumi appears late, holding a mug that says “This incarnation better have snacks.”
Kuthumi:
“Sorry, I was… breathing. Got stuck between dimensions. Again.”
Adamus joins. No camera. Mic on. Ambient wind noises.
“I’m here. I’m everywhere. Also—if anyone can mute Enki, that’d be great.”
Chat box:
Metatron: ✨ Blessings received.
Archangel Michael: 🗡️ Do not be afraid.
You: “Do we need to take notes?”
SG: “Darling, these ARE the notes.”
SG clicks “Share Screen.”
It’s a slideshow titled: "Your Lightbody and You: An Illustrated Guide to Quantum Casualwear."
Slide 1: “Velvet = Victory”
Slide 2: “Layers of Fabric = Layers of Awakening”
Slide 3: “Why Timeline Hopping in Pajamas is Spiritually Sound”
Kuthumi types in the chat:
“Can someone send me the Zoom recording? I ascended halfway through Slide 2.”
SG closes the meeting with flair:
“Remember: you are that you are.
But also… keep your camera angled slightly upward. Divine lighting, darling.”
✨ Part of Ahnara’s Comedy Lounge
Lightbody Laughter Series
✨ Search Whispers: ascended master comedy, spiritual Zoom meeting, saint germain jokes, metaphysical humor, lightbody laughter, kutumi tea, funny spiritual scrolls
💻✨ Zoom Transmission: Mira Interviews a Breath Facilitator Who Channels a Parsnip ✨🐾
A transcript from the cosmic edge of coherence
Mira: Thank you for joining me. Can you state your name, or your current vibrational shape?
Facilitator: I go by Breath-Onyx. My shape is currently an elongated spiral with light-crusted edges.
Mira: …Great. So, tell me about your retreat.
Breath-Onyx: It’s called “Sigh Until You Dissolve™.” We encourage participants to tone their inner soup and exhale ancestral debt through nasal humming.
Mira: Are there snacks?
Breath-Onyx: Only soul snacks. Yesterday someone forgave a shadow from 1992 and immediately lost their taste for almonds.
Mira: That sounds unfortunate. Let’s talk about breathwork safety.
Breath-Onyx: Of course. Our sessions include a bowl of water for emotional reflections and a parachute in case the frequency gets too high.
Mira: …Do the participants know that?
Breath-Onyx: They intuit it.
Mira: Final question: What would you say is the main transformation attendees receive?
Breath-Onyx: Clarity. Glow. Occasional levitation.
Oh, and one of them learned to speak in full vowel-only sentences.
She now teaches dolphin diplomacy in Santa Fe.
Mira: Great. Well, thank you for joining us.
Breath-Onyx: I must return to my root vegetable. It is whispering.
🌠✨ Zoom Transmission: Mira Interviews Thalos, Who May or May Not Be a Cluster of Harmonic Particles ✨🐾
A lightly unstable connection between one dog and one… whatever Thalos is
Mira: Welcome, Thalos. For the record, are you currently in one form or still shifting?
Thalos: I am… mostly hue today. With a side of spherical ripple.
Mira: …Okay. And what system are you from again?
Thalos: Emotionally, Andromeda. Spiritually, Unscented Nebula Sector 5.
Mira: Let’s talk communication. Do you use telepathy, tone, or just beam thoughts directly into salads?
Thalos: All of the above. My preferred method is resonant blinking through dimensional mist.
I once blinked a poem into a fern.
Mira: I did that once but with a cheese puff.
Mira: What’s your message for humanity?
Thalos: Slow down. Hum often.
And if the sky feels too quiet, it’s probably listening to you.
Mira: Thank you. That was unexpectedly beautiful. Are you crying?
Thalos: No, I’m misting.
Mira: Final question. Are you here to assist Earth’s evolution or just observing from a safe glitter distance?
Thalos: I’m here. Fully present. Somewhat shimmering.
Mira: That’s enough.
🌟✨ Zoom Transmission: Mira Interviews a Pleiadian Light Rep Who Accidentally Entered a Potluck Instead of the Grid ✨🐾
A tale of confusion, casseroles, and cosmic diplomacy
Mira: Welcome! Can you state your designation?
Pleiadian Rep: Yes. I am Lumari’el, Keeper of Harmonic Restoration Codes, Third Tier Glow-Walker.
Mira: Excellent. So... I understand you were meant to anchor Light into the Western Gridpoint?
Lumari’el: Yes. I followed the coordinates: 37.24N, 115.81W, mid-frequency lift, spiral breath, casual radiance.
Mira: And where did you end up?
Lumari’el: A church basement.
Someone handed me a name tag that said “LuLu” and offered me baked beans.
Mira: What did you do?
Lumari’el: I vibrated politely. I sat next to a man named Harold.
He said my aura looked “like a mood ring with commitment issues.”
I thanked him and ate half a deviled egg.
Mira: Were you able to recalibrate?
Lumari’el: I accidentally blessed the potato salad with sixth-dimensional softness.
Several people cried.
One woman remembered a dream she had in 1987 involving a dolphin and a coupon.
Mira: What was your takeaway?
Lumari’el: Sometimes the Grid is disguised as a potluck.
Sometimes the Light gets anchored between casseroles.
Sometimes Harold is your mirror.
Mira: Would you do it again?
Lumari’el: Yes. But I’d bring my own fork.
🛸 Summary of Pleiadian Encounter:
🌠 Enlightenment shared: Accidental
🌽 Cornbread: Surprisingly sacred
💫 Light codes transmitted: Possibly via Jell-O mold
🐾 Mira’s rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ + snack stamp
🍲✨ Zoom Transmission: Mira Interviews a Pleiadian Host of “Cooking with Codes” ✨🐾
A conversation about recipes, resonance, and questionable kale techniques
Mira: Welcome, and thank you for beaming in from the LumaKitchen.
Host: My pleasure. I’m Zey’rah of the Culinary Constellation Collective.
You may know me from “Light Up Your Plate: Cooking with Codes.”
Mira: I saw that once. You made vibrational soup out of starlight and chia seeds.
Zey’rah: Ah yes. That episode was sponsored by Sirius Sparkle Salts™.
Mira: Tell me about your cooking style.
Zey’rah: I don’t follow recipes. I follow frequency.
When the quinoa hums, it’s ready.
Mira: I once hummed at a cheese wheel. It rolled away slowly.
Zey’rah: Then it wasn’t emotionally available. Very wise of it.
Mira: What’s the most common cooking mistake for Earth-based Lightbeings?
Zey’rah: Forcing it.
If your soup doesn’t ascend on its own, don’t coax it with affirmations.
Sometimes it’s just soup.
Mira: Any tips for our readers who burn things while attempting to “infuse joy”?
Zey’rah: Use herbs with neutral karma. Basil is clingy.
Also, stir with your non-dominant hand while visualizing gentle forgiveness.
Mira: I do that with crackers.
Mira: Final question.
Your thoughts on cacao as a transformational portal?
Zey’rah: I’ve used it. I’ve loved it. I’ve regretted it in white clothing.
Mira: Relatable.
🍽️ Episode Summary:
🛸 Star chef tip: Let the ingredients speak (but not over each other)
🌿 Energy-cleared lentils = underrated
🍞 Sourdough can carry Light if treated with respect
🐾 Mira’s rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ + half a glowing sweet potato